PART
TWO -
My thorn in the flesh
Chapter 13
Neil had now entered his mid teen years.
It was during this time a significant event happened that marked another
milestone in his life. It was one more link in the chain of circumstances
that was to forge his destiny. The Virgin Mary entered Neil's life. Neil's
whole attitude toward religion changed overnight from one of simplistic
belief to a more logical explanation of several Protestant precepts. He
could not believe that a loving God would allow an innocent baby to be
born with cerebral palsy as he had been, and then in effect, abandon him
in this lifetime with only the promise of a glorified perfect body in the
next. Of course, Neil didn't know he had cerebral palsy but he did know
something was wrong with him.
Through Neil's young Catholic friends he
learned some facts about their religion that to him seemed strange indeed.
They did not eat meat on Fridays. They prayed before lighted candles. They
went to "confession." Even though they did all these things, what raised
Neil's curiosity most was their firm belief that through the intercession
of long dead "saints," men and women and even children could be cured of
their illnesses. Of course, the saint who was most influential with God in
bringing about these miracles was the Virgin Mary. Respected as the mother
of Jesus, who Himself, had performed miracles long, long ago.
Naturally, Neil wanted to learn more
about the Virgin Mary in the vague and almost unthinkable hope that she
could do something for him. However, it was very difficult for him to do
this. All the religious books available to him were written from a
Protestant point of view. Unfortunately, after his young Catholic friends
told him what they knew, there was little more for them to add. Neil was
too young to ask an adult Catholic such questions and get a serious
answer. He was also sure his parents would certainly object to such
curiosity on his part anyway.
One day, Neil's pal, William Thompson
and he were walking around Shamokin. William's family was just about as
anti-Catholic as Neil's. William was every bit as ignorant about the
Virgin Mary as Neil. Perhaps he was even more ignorant because not being
handicapped; he was not interested in her power to cure people. By chance
they happened to stop to rest in the shade of a tree across the street
from Saint Edward's Catholic Church. This imposing stone building had a
unique claim to fame. It was the first church in the United States to have
electric lights. In fact, the great Thomas A. Edison himself came to
Shamokin to personally supervise installing the huge light fixtures. An
interesting but lesser feature of the church was its massive white altar,
carved from a single piece of Italian marble. Neil had often walked past
Protestant churches without giving the matter a second thought, but
whenever Neil walked past Saint Edward's Catholic Church, he wondered what
strange and forbidden sights it contained. His parents had never been
inside and were rather proud of this fact. William and Neil sat on a fence
under the tree, watching women bow deeply and men tip their hats
reverently as they passed. After awhile, in boyish curiosity, William
remarked how beautiful the church was from the outside and questioned what
it would be like if they were to go inside.
Neil became just as curious. He
certainly would like to find out what it was like inside. A spirit of
adventure had fallen upon them. It was a lazy, sultry summer afternoon and
Neil felt like having a new experience. Perhaps he could participate in
something entirely different. Perhaps he could see new sights. William
quickly jumped off the fence as if the idea of talking about what was
inside the church scared him. Neil had his neck craned to look upward,
where he could see high in the sky a steeple with a beautiful cross.
William challenged Neil to go inside.
Neil and William knew that their mother and father would punish them if
they did. But what if their parents didn't find out? What if no one were
to tell them? In all honesty, this question was asked a little
apprehensively. While Neil felt his parents would not actually punish him,
he knew all too well they would be displeased. Then William went on to say
he would probably get the dickens just for being with Neil when he got the
idea. By now, William had decided he didn't want to go inside and
suggested they go home.
Neil jumped off the fence and stood
undecided. A covered horse drawn wagon passed by slowly, its interior
piled high with blocks of ice destined for the crude iceboxes of the
neighborhood. Neil was sorely tempted to run after the wagon and ask for a
sliver of ice. He knew the friendly driver would give him a piece to suck
on. Then he looked across the street at the church. Although he did not
know it at the time, the decision he made would mark a very important
turning point in his life. The building he was looking at was a church
whose members honored a kind, gentle merciful woman who miraculously and
in a flash, made sick people well, lame people walk and blind people see.
If he had not been physically handicapped these miracles would have been
of only passing interest. But since Neil longed to be cured, they were of
intense personal interest. Neil simply felt he had to learn more about the
Virgin Mary. He had to see with his own eyes what a Catholic church was
like inside. Neil turned to William and told him he was going to go inside
by himself.
Neil walked across the street, went up
several stone steps and faced a huge wooden door. He looked around, not
exactly fearful but relieved that no one was watching him except William.
He pulled the door open. It took all Neil's strength. He stepped forward.
The door swung silently shut. Neil, a young physically handicapped
Protestant of fifteen was inside a Catholic church for the first time in
his life, groping blindly for the help he believed could come through the
intercession of the Virgin Mary.
Neil found himself in a vestibule
running the width of the building. It was dark and gloomy. There was a
somewhat damp and musty smell. The plastered walls held several framed
pictures. Many of them were discolored in places and cracked in others.
The door before him was the entrance to the sanctuary. Standing beside it
was a wooden pedestal upon which was a gleaming basin of "holy water"
which devout worshipers applied to their foreheads as they left the church
after the services. Neil opened the door to the sanctuary and timidly took
a few steps forward. What a change awaited him. He stopped suddenly and
caught his breath at what his eyes beheld. Everything was beautiful beyond
description. Brilliant sunshine flooded through the stained glass windows.
The air was dry and smelled sweet. Ahead of Neil, far down the aisle was
the huge white marble altar, hand carved by skilled Italian artists.
Dozens of flickering votive candles framed both sides. On the ceiling high
above, were magnificent biblical scenes painted in many vivid colors.
Along the walls were the mysterious looking "confessionals" Neil had often
heard about, but never seen. He dimly knew they were very important and
was vaguely aware of their purpose. He walked forward as in a dream but
with a feeling of trepidation. A few kneeling figures caught his eye as he
passed by. Suddenly he was seized with the urge to do likewise. He slipped
into one of the pews and dropped to his knees. Neil remained there for
some time, eyes closed and arms resting on the pew in front of him. He did
not pray. Somehow, he didn't believe he could pray in these new and
strange surroundings even if he had wanted to. Kneeling to pray in church
was nothing new to Neil. He had done it often at the side of his
Grandfather Tasker in the simple surroundings of the Primitive Methodist
Church. But there he had been wide awake, eagerly listening for the
frequent and sonorous "Amen's" and "Hallelujahs" that came from unseen
mouths during the pastor's long, tiresome prayers. Here in Saint Edwards
Catholic Church, Neil felt contentment in the quietness that smoothed his
spirits, and left him strangely subdued. It was as if he had found
something for which he had long been searching and he wanted nothing more
than to remain where he was.
Finally, Neil opened his eyes and turned
his head slightly to the left. He saw a life size statue of the Virgin
Mary. He recognized her at once from some of the pictures he had seen
occasionally in the homes of his young Catholic friends. In these pictures
he always thought she looked rather sad, but looking at this statue, Neil
did not feel she was sad at all. She was smiling and radiantly beautiful.
There were several other statues of saints he did not recognize and the
entire altar area was dominated by a magnificent painting of the Crucified
Christ hanging on a cross. At first Neil was shocked because he had never
seen anything like this before. The commandment not to make any "graven
images" had been burned into his very soul by his Protestant Sunday School
teachers. After a while this feeling wore off. After all, Neil always felt
right at home with Jesus. Neil knew He was born on Christmas, crucified on
Good Friday and arose from the dead on Easter. He knew a little about His
disciples. He heard the stories how Peter had denied him and Judas had
betrayed him. But the disciple Neil admired most was Thomas, who did not
believe Jesus had risen from the dead until the Lord proved it to him.
This was typical of the logical and practical turn that Neil's young mind
was now taking. He knew that Jesus had died on the cross to save him from
"sin" but what that sin was in his case, he had not the slightest idea.
Neil had also been told that if he was a good boy and believed this, when
he died he would go to Heaven. This was a place in the sky where the
streets were paved with gold and people lived in ivory palaces. No one
would do any work and everybody would do nothing but sing and praise the
Lord. Neil never mentioned it to anyone but it seemed to him that
description of Heaven was like a never-ending church service. Since Neil
was healthy and happy here on earth in spite of his handicap he had no
desire to die and go there. Of course, when his Sunday school teacher
assured him that in Heaven he would have a "glorified" body, he often
wondered how it would feel to be like other boys and do the things they
could do.
As a young boy Neil always felt right at
home with Jesus. The Virgin Mary was quite another matter. One of the
basic beliefs of Protestants is that all acts of worship, veneration and
adoration are to be directed to God and Him alone for He is a "jealous"
God. Neil was taught that this Mary could and should be held in high
esteem for Her purity, praised for Her blameless life, and honored for Her
part in bringing our Lord into the world, but nothing more. It was
impressed upon Neil that She was mortal, had died like any other man or
woman and would arise on "judgment day" just like anyone else. To a young
boy such as Neil, totally ignorant of the finer points of theology, the
idea of the mother of Jesus standing in judgment before the throne of God
was hard to believe. When Neil became an adult he began to doubt this. He
leaned more toward the Catholic belief in the Assumption, that the Virgin
Mary was taken up bodily into Heaven after Her death.
Neil had another problem with
Catholicism. He had to first believe in miracles in order for him to
accept the premise that She could help him. He had been taught that the
age of miracles was over. Indeed, the consensus of all Protestants during
the 1920's was that anyone ill or physically handicapped should see a
doctor and follow his advice rather than pray to a long dead saint and
hope for a miracle. Neil sometimes saw statuettes of the Virgin Mary for
sale in shops. But it was on that fateful summer afternoon in 1925 that
Neil saw for the first time in Saint Edward's Catholic Church an
exquisitely carved and painted life size statue of Her, standing in a
niche in the wall, serenely beautiful, with Her eyes looking in his
direction as if with compassion *
* NOTE: In April 1971, during the Easter season Saint Edward's
Catholic Church was destroyed by fire, leaving only the bare walls
standing. The beautiful statues, the massive marble altar; the magnificent
wall paintings and the huge chandelier were reduced to piles of rubble and
ashes. Through the prayers and sacrifices of its members it was completely
rebuilt and modernized. It is today, as it always has been, one of the
most beautiful churches in the country. However, the reader who comes to
Shamokin now to see its interior will not see the same sites that thrilled
Neil as a boy. They are gone forever.
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